Chapter Two

Need a soft voice - just to talk to me at night
Don't want you to worry, baby
I know we can make everything alright
Listen to my plea, baby, come on bring it to me
'Cause I need - your love so bad
Baby, I need, I need - woman, I need your love so bad
Need Your Love So Bad
Fleetwood Mac

The old Manor House was in great shape just as Nick said it was, not a scratch on it. “Are you hungry, honey? When’s the last time you ate?” Daniel asked.

“I don’t know,” she said absently. “I’m filthy I could use a good bath.”

Calla and her baths. “OK, tell you what, I’m going to call down to Angus and tell him that we’re here, then I’ll check the furnace and make sure there’s hot water, all right? In the meantime why don’t you go upstairs and get comfortable.”

“Sounds good.” Calla said and embraced him. “I love you, Daniel.”

“I love you too. Go on I’ll be up in a few minutes.” Something in her hiccupped. Not a real hiccup the kind that comes when you’ve swallowed too much air but a short burst, a spasm perhaps. She doesn’t want me up there. “Just to let you know about the water.”

That was a moot point it was winter here in Scotland just like it was back home in Colorado and the Manor while not toasty was still warm which meant the heat was on low and there would be hot water in the old boiler. Nonetheless the hiccup went away and she seemed happy with his reason for coming up to bother her. Daniel watched her turn away and head up the heavy staircase.

True to his word he called down to the Gatekeeper’s cottage first. Daniel didn’t want Angus looking out his window to see the lights on up here and wondering if there were intruders in the house. “No, I don’t know how long we’ll stay just a few days a week at the most I imagine.” Daniel told him. “Yes, we’ll let you know if we need anything. You’ve done a wonderful job taking care of the place Mr. McGee thank you.”

“Angus, Mr. Jackson. An thank-yew.” The line went dead in Daniels hand.

Turning on the light Daniel went down the basement steps to check on the boiler and sure enough it was full so Calla should have plenty of hot water for her bath. The temperature on the boiler was set at 160. Calla liked her hot water. Daniel turned it down to 125 before going back up the steps.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Opening the kitchen door he found Angus McGee standing there with two bags of groceries in his arms. “What are you doing?”

“Are ya gonna let me in?” He asked in his deep Scottish broque. “I thought yew and Missus would like some supplies, stores are closed at this hour and you won’t be finding too much to eat exceptin’ for some can and dry goods. What with all the excitement we’ve had over the last few days well Idunt know when things ‘ll be getting’ back to normal. So I thought you might be able ta use these few things I brung ya.”

Daniel smiled and took one sack of groceries from the older man. “Thank you. You’re thoughtful Angus.” He stepped aside to let the man into the kitchen.

“Yew pay me well.” Angus said with a grin. “Yew shud git somethin’ for your money. Now I’ve brought ya some nice fresh fruit and some fresh milk,” he unpacked the bag in front of him plucking from it a green glass bottle.

“And, ah, what’s that Angus?” Daniel asked with a lilt in his voice.

“Aye, Scotch. I did not know if the bar was full or not.”

“Thank you again.” Daniel, who was now unpacking the bag in front of him, was pretty sure the bar was still well stocked unless Angus had been at it here and there.

“Where’s the Missus?”

Daniel felt strange about it but since they were here Angus might as well know and so he found himself telling Angus McGee of the Son he and Calla just lost and trying not to break down in tears. Daniel didn’t know why he should be upset over this, it wasn’t like he suffered a miscarriage or that they’d started planning the nursery or even given the boy a name. In other words, it wasn’t as though the Son they would never know had actually been born, drew breath and then died. All he lost was a concept or at least that’s what he kept telling himself . Why should he feel so sad and empty? With every word he spoke that bottle of Cutty Shark looked better and better until his mouth was actually watering and his brain was saying C’mon Danny, just a taste, just a little something-something to get us through this then we’ll stop. We can stop anytime.

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Doctor Jackson.” Angus said as his old hazel eyes look at Daniel with sympathy. “It was a very hairy few days there the whole world shook.”

“Indeed it did.” Daniel remarked with a sigh. “You know, if you want me to call you Angus then I’m Daniel, ok?” Still looking at the green bottle with the gold label Daniel wondered if Calla might not like a good stiff drink or two. She probably would, hell she could probably use it so instead of putting the bottle away Daniel left it on the counter.

“Ev’rythings different now.” Angus was now folding the paper sack. “Idunt know if that’s good or bad but, well, now that the shakin’s done it’s all changed, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Daniel agreed.

“Well, I best be getting’ on back to me own house. Once again there, Daniel you and yur lovely Missus have my sympathies on your loss.” Angus walked to the door. “If ya be needin’ anything, anything a’tall….”

“I will let you know.” Daniel opened the back door. “Thanks again.”

“Aye, you try and have yourselves a nice quiet ev’nin’.” Angus McGee said before making his way away from the Manor House and toward the Gatekeeper’s cottage.

A nice quiet evening. Gee, was it only three or four nights ago that they’d had one of those? It seemed like three or four years ago. That green bottle with the gold label seemed to call his name.

One drink wouldn’t hurt.

Daniel cracked the seal and poured a double shot into the nearest vessel which happened to be an old jelly jar. Down the hatch it went in one long burning gulp. He broke out in a light sweat from head to toe at the amber liquid warmed him on its way down his gullet. One more wouldn’t hurt either, no sure it wouldn’t. So one more double went down Daniel Jackson’s throat and he wiped the excess away from his mouth with the palm of his hand. Calla was upstairs she was waiting for him to tell her when the water was ready.

Calla was already drawing the water when Daniel entered the bedroom. “I’m sorry honey, Angus stopped by with some groceries, I got a little side tracked.”

“That’s all right, I see the water’s ready. Would you mind terribly giving me a little while alone?”

A little bit of downtime, a little decompression would probably be good for her. Still, he didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone. “I’m just gonna check the water, ok?” Daniel didn’t wait for her to answer he just went into the bathroom where the hot water was slowly running into the big porcelain tub. It was very warm but not scorching hot so he wouldn’t have to worry about that. That was stupid he supposed but ever since that night he found he floating back down in a tub of water so hot you could have hard boiled eggs in it Daniel worried about things like how hot the bathwater was and how long she stayed in it. “Everything’s good,” he said with a faded smile. “I’ll leave you alone for a while.”

“Thank you,” she said in a soft voice. Calla turned her back to him and started to undress. “Is there something I can do for you, Daniel?” Calla asked before taking off the black t-shirt.

“No, sorry.” He mumbled and walked out of the room leaving the door ajar.

One of the first things Calla had done when the returned from this house the last time was to bring an assortment of clothing over should they ever find themselves here again unexpectedly. Stripping off the SGC uniform which didn’t fit and she was glad to be rid of Calla slipped a dark blue half-length robe over her frame a she wandered into the bathroom., shutting but not locking the door behind her. Daniel would be upset if he were to come up here and find the door locked.

Finding a bit of magick left in her—and no matches—she lit the candles around the bathtub with her mind. Soon the lovely worn room was glowing and misted with steam. Daniel said the water was ready but it wasn’t. He’d always been looking over her shoulder since that night she almost drowned. Calla knew she was very lucky to have a husband who loved her so much and was so concerned with her well-being, she should show more gratitude to him. Still the water was chilly and she felt sure he’d done something to make that happen after all the water here was hot before. Dipping her toe into the bathwater and finding another ort of magick within her Calla heated it a temperature more to her liking.

Dipping a wash cloth into the bathwater she washed away the blood and other residues between her thighs before getting in the tub. Calla wanted to cleanse herself and she didn’t feel that she could do that if this followed her into the bath. She threw the bloody rag to the floor and retrieved another from the cabinet, looking inside she poked around for salts, another thing she’d brought to the house. There was rosemary, lavender, violet, ah there it was, almond, honey& milk he favorite bathing combination. Calla tossed a large handful into the now steaming water soon the light sweet scent was filling the bathroom.

Sitting in the tub and looking out the window at the darkening sky and the sea beyond she found herself wishing for a joint or five. “How ‘bout a boot love? Doesn’t that sound lovely?” She asked no one in a mock of Andy’s voice. “Be right nice to have and your Happy Kit about now, dahling.” Calla slid under the water submersing her head in its hot embrace. Oh yes a good strong boot followed by a thick joint of good weed sounded just about perfect, oh and perhaps a snifter of that brandy Andy sometimes gave her on special occasions. It was warm and had a delicious bite. Perhaps she could find a bottle of that before sitting down with the kids at some point.

Under the water Calla opened her eyes to look at the dimly lit bathroom. Nicholas wouldn’t let the subject go and if she tried to shine him on he’d be like a dog with a bone hounding until she cracked and just blurted out everything. That wasn’t any good. She had to think about this and carefully plan out what and how she was going to divulge information about her past to them. This couldn’t be done willy-nilly on the spur of the moment. Some secrets had to be kept but others could be given away if she did it very gently and in that aloof it’s-no-big-deal way of hers which sometimes made them angry. Calla was fairly certain that Daniel would follow her lead and not call her on anything she may side step or intentionally leave out at least not in front of them though he may chose to it later when they were alone and she could handle that.

Sploosh. She emerged from the water and rested her back against the curve of the old tub. One thing she couldn’t handle, straight or stoned, was telling Daniel of what Eros had been doing while she lost their Son. There was no need for him to know that, it would just be her little secret.

Her hair wet she reached for the bottle of shampoo also honey, milk & almond scented. Working the shampoo into a rich leather Calla noticed how coarse her hair had become. It was dirty that was true but now that her head was filled with more silver/gray than auburn it wasn’t as soft as it had been. Down under the water once more to rinse the bubbles from her head she couldn’t get Eros’ golden eyes out of her mind. The way he smiled at her so cold. The horrible joy in his voice. Her body let out another of those little hiccups.

Sploosh. Calla rose up out of the hot water once more and took a handful of her newly washed hair to her face. It was ugly. Maybe, if she was lucky, when she was stronger she’d have the ability to bring the color back. Worse comes to worse she could always buy a few bottles of dye. Wiping the water away from her face she became aware of Daniel’s presence on the other side of the door and let out a fake cough. Just a little way to say yes, I’m still alive. It wasn’t long before she heard his footsteps shuffling away from the door. That was an action they would repeat three more times before she climbed out of the water, which happened to be two hours and a quarter bottle of Scotch later.

David. Yes, David there was him to consider now. Right at this very moment he was taking up residence in her house and Calla wasn’t altogether sure just how that came about. However, she did know that when the suggestion to kill him was made that she couldn’t allow that to happen. If nothing else, David Jackson proved to her that he did have some good qualities and there was the chance that he should be allowed to explore them. When Calla said that David could stay she didn’t necessarily mean he could move into the house.

Soaping up the cloth she washed the dirt and muck her toes which had not born the benefit of shoes for almost two days and up her claves past her hips and thighs. Up to her empty belly where she stopped for a moment and tried not to cry. Moving onward and upward she washed her small breasts, the ones which would not be engorging with milk anytime soon. Calla washed her right arm and turned the rag over to her smart hand and washed down the left side.

Back under the hot water which was starting to cool a bit, to rinse the soap away. Upon rising to the surface she looked around for a little more magick, Ares’ Daughter should always be able to generate enough heat, enough fire, to warm a puny tub full of water. Almost all clean now and the water steaming once more Calla rose to her knees soaping up the cloth with a heavy lather, Eros’ eyes wouldn’t stop dancing in her mind. His voice, he wouldn’t shut up. With all the vigor of Cinderella angrily scrubbing the floor Calla set about work on the space between her legs with the cloth and hoped that one day she would stop hearing him tell her; you’re losing the baby, that’s all, it’s all right. You and I will have many more dear Sister. She couldn’t stop feeling the utter agony as her muscles cramped and clamped down. Eros kept thrusting in and out of her.

For one crazy instant she wondered if there were anyway at all of getting to the lock box at the bottom of the sea.

There were a few bright spots to concentrate on. Lilly and Annie. Calla’s children would not have to suffer through the pain and grief of losing someone so close to them. That was good. She never wanted them to know that agony.

The space between her legs was sore now but it no longer smelled like Eros, slowly she settled back down into the water. Right now one of the biggest hurdles in front of her was their trip to Avalon. Calla didn’t know what the Ladies wanted with Daniel but whatever it was she was sure it wasn’t good. She tried to explain to them that Maeve condoned it when Daniel agreed Calla should be unbound and that he should no longer be her Sa’Tan but her Husband, after all he was the Father of her Children.---well at least one of them. Tried to explain to them that she didn’t need a Sa’Tan, an Avatar, Champion and that she could fight her own battles, she was Ares’ Daughter!

But, well, perhaps Current Events changed Calla’s mind on that one. Perhaps an Avatar would have been beneficial these last few days. Then again, if she had to say so, Duncan filled in nicely in that capacity.

When Calla finally emerged from the bathroom she found Daniel sitting in one of the new chairs by a roaring fire. It seemed Duncan MacLeod replaced both chairs in the room between now and last they were here. These were overstuffed and very comfortable unlike the more period high backs which had been here—one of which Calla ruined while detoxing. There was a plate of food next to him but he didn’t seem interested in it, he just sat there in the chair with a glass of amber liquid in his hand. “Daniel?” Calla asked as she made her way over to him, wrapping the robe about her wet frame and wringing the water from her waist length hair with a thick towel. “Daniel?” She said in a louder voice.

He heard her the first time and it wasn’t that he wanted to ignore her but rather that the thought running through his slightly drunken mind was so pleasant he didn’t want to disturb it. Daniel was thinking about a Son he’d never know and never hold. One who wanted to dig in the dirt and find long lost objects with his old man. One who had green eyes and sandy hair. Then she said it again; Daniel. His eyes raised upward to look at her.

“What are you drinking, Beautiful?” She asked and settled on her knees next him. She chastised herself for not being more attentive to him and being so blind to the pain he was suffering.

“Just some Scotch, Angus brought it.” Daniel explained and downed the last in his glass before she could ask him to do otherwise. He put the empty glass on the table. Sitting out here alone trying to picture the face of an unborn son Daniel kept telling himself that he should have been with Calla. He never should have listened to her he should have demanded that he be the one to go Avalon and Valhalla and not Duncan MacLeod. It was hard to shake the feeling that somehow this was his fault and that he’d shirked his responsibilities to her and the child she carried. If he’d just been with her he could have kept her strong, she wouldn’t have gotten so worn out and exhausted because she would have had him to draw from.

“What can I do for you, my love?” Calla rested her head on his knee. “How can I make this better for you? I’m so sorry I’ve hurt and disappointed you.” His hand came down to gently cup the back of her head. “Tell me and I’ll do it.”

“Come here and sit on my lap.” He whispered. Calla rose to her feet in a graceful motion and then rested herself where he wanted her. The heavy head which a moment ago rested his knee now did so upon his shoulder. In his arms she was warm and wet. Oh God! She smelled so good. Like an angel. Like heaven. “I love you, Kitty. I don’t blame you for this.” That was honest though not all of it. “I don’t want you to do that either.” More honesty still not the whole truth. Daniel wanted to know how she lost the baby. Wanted, needed, to know if it was something Eros did or the Xerinium she absorbed. Should he be angry with Duncan MacLeod? It was he she was trying to protect from those high-tech weapons. Should h be angry with Ares? He sent her off on that mission. Eros….Eros…Daniel was sure it was something that Eros did but that wasn’t the important part. Not right now anyway.

“Yet it hurts so much and you don’t understand why. I do. You had hopes for our Son and so did I. I dreamed of what he would look like, what his voice would sound like, of holding him in my arms. I know you did too, Beautiful.”

It was Daniels’ turn to let out one of those shivering hiccups. “Yes. That will never happen now.”

“I know, I’m so sorry.” Calla laid a kiss on his Third-eye.

That was all it took. Her arms wrapped around his neck and the next thing they knew both of them were holding onto each and weeping. Sharing the loss of the Son they would never see and finding comfort in each other’s embrace.

The bottle and the booze on his breath bothered her it was so easy and tempting to just fall back on old ways. Not so long ago she was yearning for the snakebite and its injection of venom. She’d been terribly selfish to spend such time away from when when it was obvious that he needed her. “Don’t drink anymore,” Calla whispered tearfully, “Please my love hold on to me when it hurts and I will do whatever it takes to make you feel better.” Wishing she could do more, Calla kissed his tears away. “I love you, only you, always.” She promised. Kanan never shed a tear for their children and he held them and heard them cry. Here was Daniel his heartbroken over a child who he never even held, a baby that never came to be. Comforting him was healing for her though she thought herself doing a lousy job as Daniel just kept weeping for his loss. “I’m sorry I failed you.”

“I love you.” Daniel muttered against her wet cheek. “I’ll always love you, Kitty. You didn’t fail me. You didn’t.” Without being conscious of it he began to rock her in his arms as they sat by the fire. The feel of her pressed up against him was infinitely more consoling than the Scotch and warmer too. Their embrace strengthened their love and their tears cleansed their hearts.

The darkening sky outside became night. Both of them cried out and exhausted they crawled into the bed. Daniel held her close in his arms and she fell into a restless sleep. Though he tried to sleep with her he couldn’t stop thinking about the pitifully small baby in Ares’ arms. The one Nicholas insisted was Daniel’s. If Calla were to find out it would break her heart and push her right over the edge. So many times he’d lost her and been fortunate enough to get her back but this it was far too much to ask of her far too much for her to deal with.

It was so unfair, just so goddamn unfair.

Suddenly something dark moved in the shadow of the old Scottish bedroom. “Ar…”

The God of War raised a finger to his lips and pointed at the sleeping woman with the other hand. “Shhh,” he hushed Daniel. “Do as I tell you and she need never know. Just don’t say anything to her until you and I have a chance to talk, promise me that much, Jackson.”

Daniel looked down at Calla who was starting to stir in his arms, she’d heard the sound of her Father’s voice. He didn’t know what to do or who to believe. Kissing the top of her more silver than auburn head, Daniel nodded at Ares. For her sake he could hold off saying anything for a while but probably not forever. “We’ll talk.” He said in a soft voice so as not to wake her further.

“Soon.” Ares said and then quietly took his leave from the oversized bedroom in the Manor House.

“Daniel? Father?” Calla pushed herself on one sleepy elbow.

So light and weary, she was easy to bring down again. “Cuddle with me and sleep, honey, no one’s here but us.” If Ares wanted to have such a conversation then Daniel’s doubts of the little girl’s paternity were put to rest. Somehow that little baby was his.

She need never know.

If only it was that easy.

That question settled, the little girl being his, there was no way in hell Daniel was going to let Ares raise his daughter. Nope, nosirree Bob, no way Jose. It just wasn’t happening. Maybe he couldn’t bring the baby home and expect Calla to open her arms and her heart but he could see to it that girl got a good home. Daniel could do that, yes, he could find a good family for her and give her to them. Maybe that’s what Ares meant. After all, why in the hell would Lord Ares God of War ever want to raise Daniel Jackson’s child? It just didn’t make any sense.

End Chapter Two Of
The Cradle Will Fall: Sentimental Journey
Continue to
Chapter Three

This story and all stories in the Cradle Will Fall series are copyrighted to Lisa Beth Darling these stories may not be transferred outside of this URL in any fashion.