Chapter Five
Session 9

Dr. Willie sat there stunned by the related events and was unsure of why that should be. Daniel already shared with him what he suspected all Nicholas did was confirm it.

“So that’s it.” Nick said and finally came away from the window where he’d been staring out into nothingness while telling his tale.

“That’s what?” Willie asked.  “Can you say it, Nick?”

It took him a few seconds but he’d so wanted to say to get it out! Saying it to the wall or the pillow or the free weights didn’t seem to count so he hadn’t bothered giving it voice until now.  “I raped my Mother.”  He covered his mouth with his hand almost as if to stop the words before they could escape but it was too late so he said it again, “I raped my Mother.  I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

Willie believed Nicholas in fact from where he sat he even felt the young man’s remorse.  “But?”

Nick shook his head, dark ringlets bounced around his sad brooding face. “It’s so selfish,” he muttered.

“What is?”

“Well, it’s just that, see…if, like…if she never remembers…..then, I can never tell her how sorry I am.  I can’t make up for it.” He shook his head again. “Not that I ever could. But I want to try.” Nick added quickly.  “Can I see her now?” He laughed a little. “Yeah, after all that, gee, doc, can I see her now?”  Plopping down on the couch Nicholas finally broke down and cried over it all. “I love her, you gotta believe that, I’d never do that to her if…I mean they said that shake powder….” He stopped talking and cried harder.

Willie handed him the box of tissues. “They said the shake powder you and she were drinking was laced with Xerinium, is that it?”

Nicholas wiped his eyes and nodded.  “I didn’t know,” he said quickly. “I was so goddamn horny all the time I couldn’t stop I was like a tomcat in heat.” The disgust was clear in his voice. “On the Island I just kept fucking every one of his women, all of them, I tagged every one of them again and again, still it wasn’t enough.”

“I’m sure that had a lot to do with your behavior.” Willie eased.

Nicholas was not amused or appeased by the doctor’s statement. “Don’t you get it?”

“Get what?”

“I was supposed to protect her! Supposed to keep her safe! She depended on me, Dad was depending on me. I let them all down. I hurt her. I turned into him and I swore to myself I would never ever do that.”

“Turned into who?”

“Umpa.”  Nick frowned and swiped a hand across his red eyes.  “She went to him and his bed the way he always wanted so that he wouldn’t leave her.  I’ll bet you anything he promised just that, he’d stay if she slept with him.  She did.  But he left anyway, he got what he wanted and more and then he left her behind that lying bastard. That’s why she’s here now because way deep down she’s nothing more than a frightened little girl who got left behind by the one man who was supposed to see to it that nothing bad ever happened to her.  There’s little difference between me and him, isn’t there doc?”

Willie never met Ares and so he couldn’t say but he did know that this young man was truly remorseful and that his likelihood of repeating his mistake was as close to nil as a man could get.  “Tell you what, come with me, we’ll take a look through the observation window, ok? After that, maybe I’ll let you in for a few minutes.”

“Thanks doc.” Nick said with a small smile. “I won’t hurt her, I swear. I just wanted you to know all that stuff so you can help her better.  It will help, won’t it?”

“Did it help you?”

Nicholas thought about it for a moment and noticed that, yes, he did seem to feel a little better.  “I guess.”

“Good, come on, let’s go.”

Huge heart thudding in his chest Nicholas followed Dr. Willie out of the office and to the big double doors of the lock-down ward where they had to go through a security check before being buzzed inside.  Down the second corridor and on each side of them were various locked rooms from which various sounds of distress and rage were heard. Every now and then someone threw themselves against the door to their room causing a big thud and more commotion among the patients.  This floor smelled worse than the first floor the stench of urine and feces and general decay overpowered the smell of disinfectant here.  Suddenly Nicholas was afraid of what he was going to see.

“This one,” Dr. Willie stopped in front of a door that looked like all of the other doors. “Your Mother’s in here.” 

While Willie had to stand on his tip-toes to look in the observation window Nicholas had to bend down to do the very same thing.  Nicholas hadn’t seen his Mother in 5 days and he was very taken aback by what he saw.  The small woman huddling in the far corner in a pair of white pajamas which stained with her own urine, her once long lush auburn hair had been mercilessly butchered off at the ears.  Small fluffy white gloves strapped over her hands which were restrained to her side by a wide leather belt and the lines running down her face, it took him a moment to understand they were gouges from her own finger nails.  “Can I go in?” He said with a heavy heart.

“Think you can handle it?”

“Yeah.”

“Open her up.” Willie shouted to the nurses down the hall who manned the central station on the lock-down ward. They were behind bullet proof glass.

BUZZ

“Go on, I’ll give you a few minutes alone. Talk calmly and try not to say anything that will upset her. Just so you know, we’re right out here and we can see everything.” He pointed to the monitors at the nurses’ station.

With those pearls of wisdom in mind Nick ducked down and walked into the padded room where they were keeping his Mother.  The door shut firmly behind him.  “Mom?” He asked tentatively taking a few steps toward her on the soft padded floor and wishing he’d taken his shoes off he was leaving dirty footprints behind and from the looks of it she had to sleep on them.  The air in here was worse than the air in the hall it reeked of urine and sweat. “Mom? Can ya hear me?”  Half expecting her to start screaming at the sight of him he squatted down in front of her. “Can ya even see me? Momma?”

That word seemed to bring a sad smile and her eyes like the corners of her mouth turned up to him.

“Hi, Momma. Do you know who I am?”  He reached out his hand but she backed away. Nick didn’t blame her any he’d run away from him too if he could. “I’m not gonna hurt you.  Look, I brought ya something.”  Looking back at the window which was empty and at the camera which was at a bad angle and probably couldn’t see, he put his hand in his pocket and came out with a small sweet treat. “See? Look what I’ve got.”  The shiny foil in his hand caught her eye and she looked down at it.  Looking back up at him she opened her mouth part way.  Nicholas unwrapped one of the Hershey Kisses which were wrapped in bright silver and red for Valentine’s Day (a holiday he never wanted to celebrate ever again!) and he tried to put the chocolate between her lips but she wasn’t holding them far enough apart.  Nick bit it in half and gave her one, it slipped easily into her mouth and as it melted a little line of brown drool dripped from the corner of her mouth and he wiped away with his thumb.  She smiled at him a sad little grin that almost lit up her tired bloodshot eyes while she almost gleefully sucked on the chocolate in her mouth.  Swallowing the candy she opened up again for the other half which he gave her.  “I love you, Momma. I’m sorry, do you know that? I am so sorry, Momma.” Part wished she did but the other half was just as elated when he realized she didn’t understand what he was apologizing for.

Outside the room the loud speakers went off;

“Paging Dr. Strong, Dr. Strong Code Blue, Dr. Strong to Room 213 Stat.”

Beneath that was a cacophony of people running and yelling and some man screaming. Nick got up and looked out through the observation window to see a naked man running around the corridor evading ‘Dr. Strong’ and his Code Blue Staff while the insane man flung handfuls of his feces around with great delight.  Looking back at her she was still on the floor—not that she had any place else to go—there was another line of chocolate drool dripping down the side of her mouth but all he saw was that crazy man in the hall and the big yellow stain on the white pajamas between her legs.  On the top of said pajamas, covering the place where her pretty pink nipples had once been, were smears of dried blood over which were more droplets of dried blood from the self-inflicted wounds on her face. “This room stinks.” He grumbled.  “This whole thing stinks.  I gotta get you outta here this is no place for you.”  Nick knelt down next to her again and she opened her mouth. “One more, I got something else for you.”  Reaching in his pocket he repeated the same pattern of opening the red foil, biting the chocolate in half and putting it in her mouth and ultimately wiping away two more lines of chocolate from her chin. “Look what I found.”  In his big hand appeared a very old rag doll.  “This is yours, isn’t it?”

Calla let out a little whimper and reached for the doll with restrained gloved hands that didn’t meet.   Nicholas realized she wasn’t going to be able to hold it the way he’d intended and hoped that it might bring her some comfort.  He put the soft body doll into one reaching hand and watched it close tightly. She brought the doll to her stomach which was as far as she could get her hands to go, Nick found himself wondering how she ate with her hands restrained like that? Didn’t they feed her in this place? The way she was sucking down the Hershey Kisses he was beginning to think that maybe they didn’t.

Nick watched in amazement as she bent her head and her chocolate covered lips came down over the doll’s head, with her teeth she brought it up to her and was able to tuck it under her chin.  Calla rolled over on her side and curled up with the doll cuddled protectively by her body.  “Baby.” She muttered.

“What?  What did you say, Momma?”

“Baby.” She said again and the small hands with the fuzzy white gloves closed down on the highest place they could reach; her abdomen.  “Baby,” Calla said once more and closed her eyes.

“Sleep, Momma.”  Nicholas stroked her butchered hair.  “I’m gonna bring Cole up here and she’s gonna heal you and fix your hair.”  Under his hand he realized how greasy it was and how much dander and dirt he could feel on her scalp.  Don’t they even let you shower?  If she had any idea how badly she smelled and looked, she’d pitch a royal fit.  “This is no place for you. They don’t understand. They can’t help you.”  He whispered as she drifted off to sleep. Although it was unknown to him it was the first time she’d even closed her tired eyes and the first time she’d spoken since coming here.  “Gonna get you outta here, Momma, don’t worry, gonna get you outta here.”

End Of Session 9
By Moon Mistress Continue to
The Life Of David