In his bed Daniel Jackson woke up and looked around. The air in his lungs was frigid; it felt as though he’d just spent twenty minutes in sub-zero temperatures with no coat or even shirt to cover his lungs. A harsh clap of thunder boomed over head and then rolled endlessly into the distance making him jump in the bed. The sound coming to his ears was not rain but the steady tink-tink-tink of hail stones hitting the glass door by the bed. Lightning ignited the room in glowing purple tossing shadows across the wall in front of him.

Around him the small candles still glowed and he saw Calla sleeping next to him. She was sweating and shivering in her sleep. Daniel brought the covers around to bring her warmth. Her skin was clammy and cold like ice and without thinking about it he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close to his body heat. Weeks worth of toxins built up by Jack & Danny along with the pills and pot were working their way out of her pores. She smelled like an old bar filled with baskets of fresh flowers.

Suddenly there he was, no longer in his bed with his wife in his arms, but sitting in that ancient movie theatre, alone in the last balcony row. The theatre was darkened but he saw and heard the old heavy red drapes pull back and reveal the silver screen below. It was cold in the cinema today, as though someone had forgotten to turn on the heat altogether, and he pulled the collar of his shirt closer to his skin while he waited for the movie to begin.

The screen was dark but somewhere the speakers came on. “Hey! Guys and Gals, Ladies and Gents, here we are the all new MIX 95.7! All Oldies All The Time! We Got Our First Caller On The Line, Hey There Little Lady, What’s Your Name?” The line was silent and the last thing any DJ wants is dead air. “Well, There, We Must Have Lost Her! Anyway I Know The Little Lady Was Calling Her Favorite Station MIX 95.7 With A Special Request.” The DJ was, as DJ’s usually are, over excited and bubbling as though he were a pot of beef stew ready to be served. “This One’s For You Little Lady.”

Over the speakers Helen Reddy began to sing;

“You live your life in the songs you hear
on the rock and roll radio.
And when a young girl doesn't have any friends
that's a really nice place to go.
Folks hoping you'd turn out cool
but they had to take you outta school.
You're a little touched you know, Angie Baby.”

The lights over head dimmed further and the Silver Screen came to life. It was dark in the theatre and it was dark on the screen. Mixed with the sound of Ms. Reddy singing her tune, far off in the background, he thought he heard someone crying. Gradually the darkness on the screen faded and something resembling light began to appear. Daniel leaned forward trying to catch a glimpse of what was on the screen.

Just enough light to make out the shape huddling in the corner. Cascades of auburn hair flowed over the small body with its knees pressed up under its chin and covered her head to toe in red silken fire. She was shaking and muttering something he couldn’t understand, he wished the DJ would turn the damn music off!

“Angie Baby, you're a special lady.
Living in a world of make-believe.
Well, maybe.”

Calla rocked back and forth in the corner, her face like the rest of her body was hidden by her hair. But her hair wasn’t that long anymore; it only came to the middle of her back now. It wouldn’t be covering her this much. There was enough light on the screen that Daniel could make out the shadow when it loomed over her.

“Stopping at her house is a neighbor boy
with evil on his mind.
'Cause he's been peeking in Angie's room
at night through the window blind.
I see your folks have gone away.
Would you dance with me today?
I'll show you how to have a good time, Angie Baby.”

The camera in Calla’s mind pulled back and Daniel saw himself standing there next to her. Calla cried and rocked and tried to console herself while he just stood there. In the balcony Daniel watched and waited for him to do something but he did nothing. He just stood there watching her misery. Sitting up above he thought about that more active, more aggressive role he should be playing and got up from his seat. Daniel dashed out of the balcony and down the steps to emerge in the main theatre once more. The music coming through the speakers was so loud down here his ear drums reverberated in his head and the powerful sound waves made his stomach turn.

“When he walks in the room, he feels confused
like he's walked into a play.
And the music's so loud it spins him around
'til his soul has lost its way.”

With his hands over his ears and his eyes swimming in his head, Daniel stumbled down the main aisle toward the Silver Screen where Calla was sitting huddled against a corner and rocking back and forth. Still the Daniel Jackson on the screen just stood there looking down at her. It was an old theatre and he had to climb up onto the stage before he could get to the Silver Screen. Daniel took his hands away from his ears to hoist himself up. If the man on the screen wasn’t going to do anything then he would.

“And as she turns the volume down
he's getting smaller with the sound.
It seems to pull him off the ground.
Toward the radio he's bound never to be found.”

Daniel jumped into the movie.

The music stopped. Everything stopped. Calla wasn’t rocking, she wasn’t moaning and crying. The man next to him just stood there looking back at him, he didn’t breathe and he didn’t blink. Two of them was no good and since he didn’t know how to make the other one go away, Daniel stepped into the body of the man who looked like him but wasn’t making any move to help Calla.

Everything started up again. The music was soft and dim, he couldn’t really make out the words anymore but the sound was still there. Calla began rocking and crying again. Very softly and trying to be as non-threatening as humanly possible he walked over to where she was hunched in the corner. “Calla?” She didn’t turn to him in fact she didn’t seem to notice his presence in the slightest. Daniel knelt beside her and said her name again. Still no response. A shaky hand reached out to pull the mass of hair away from her face and body. Well, no wonder she didn’t answer, he’d been calling her by the wrong name. “Callestah?” Dirty cheeks with clear tear tracks turned to look in his direction. “Hi,” he said softly, “do you know who I am?” The mass of auburn hair cascading around her was just as dirt riddled as her face it as swept the ground at her sides. The arms encircling her were also encrusted with layers of dirt and dried blood. Moving in closer to her the heated aroma of old sex came to him. The patches in her hair were not clumps of dirt or sweat but dried cum.

“I want Danny,” she muttered and turned away from him to begin rocking and crying again.

“I am Danny. I’m all grown up now but it’s me.” He reached out to turn her grimy face to look at him but she cringed away and banged her head against the wall. “Look in my eyes you’ll see it’s me. It’s Danny. I’m right here.” Pushing the hair further away from her face and over her shoulder it was clear that she was not only battered and abused but naked as well. Her little arms holding her little knees tightly under her chin for warmth and cover. All over her encrusted dirt and grime stuck to every part of her body, the heat of the bath was a little easier to for him to understand now. She’d been trying to wash it all away but it wasn’t her body that was dirty and in need of a good cleansing. It was her mind.

Cha’Dech. Kanan’s voice was deep and booming and completely unseen.

Calla pulled in closer to herself and rocked harder. “They’re going to start again, you should go.” She whispered without looking at him. “You shouldn’t listen.”

Little Bitch. Eros’ voice.

Daniel looked around but could find no owners for the voices or direction they were coming from.

You Were Born A Whore Like Your Mother Before You. That particular phrase was uttered by so many voices he couldn’t decipher them. It echoed through the empty darkness. Calla clamped her hands to her head in a futile attempt to block out the voices as he’d tried to block out the music.

Your Mother Never Wanted You. Psyches’ voice hissed at her from the black.

I Am Your Father; It Is My Right To Have You First. That was Ares’ voice but Daniel was certain it was Eros who’d said it.

Daniel Always Knew My Identity Psyche again. He Never Loved You, He Only Pitied You. What a lying bitch. If he had known he never would have gone near her, he would have told Ares where to find her and let him deal with her.

Gots Ta Teach Yew Sum Mannas Missy That one sent a burst of cold shivers down Daniel’s spine, it was David.

You’ve Had More Pricks Than A Pin Cushion That particular sentiment seemed to be sent from Psyche and Eros. Psyche was just having a grand old time in here tearing Calla to shreds.

She shares his bed; your children call her Mother now. Kanan’s voice.

Yew shouldda seen yow face, Callie. It was . . . priceless. I dun thought yew was gonna scream or pass out or sum'thin. A harsh blast from the past if there ever was one. That was David’s voice coming out of Daniel’s throat.

Just Tonight. If he thought David’s voice sent a cold shiver down his spine, that one stopped his heart cold. It was his voice. He remembered saying it to her that night in the cabin.

As though it were all on tape the berating started over again but the voices were louder this time, coarser, and angrier.

Calla pressed further and further against the wall while she rocked faster and faster, tears spilling down her cheeks and mumbling something he couldn’t hear over the growing din. The music in the background changed and Helen Reddy was replaced by The Boss;

“Hey little girl is
your daddy home?
Did he go and leave you all alone?
Um-hum
I got a bad desire
Oh, whoa, whoa I’m on fire”

Until just now, Daniel never realized how threatening those lyrics were. The voices surrounding them continued to berate and snipe at the girl on the floor. The things they said changed from time to time or perhaps the person who said them changed, he really couldn’t tell. All in all it was the same thing anyway. Over and over they yelled at her and made her feel small. They frightened her and ate away at her inner soul. The voices fed upon them as though they were at a banquet fit for a king. The more they berated and the more they yelled the more frightened she became and the more they had to eat.

If he were her he probably wouldn’t be able to down enough pot, pills and booze to drown them out and come to think of it, neither could she. Not matter how much she medicated herself and tried to deal through her paintings they never shut up and they never went away and the best she could ever hope for was just to drown them out for a little while with the music in the background. The Boss and his dark lyrics faded away as “Casey Jones” began to play and the Grateful Dead began to sing.

“Driving that train
High on cocaine
Casey Jones you better
Watch your speed.
Trouble ahead
Trouble behind
And you know that notion
Just crossed my mind.”

Daniel knelt down next to her again she was humming to the tune her head was projecting to keep the voices at bay. He wanted to tell her that he could take her away from this place but he wasn’t sure that was the truth. Looking around in the dim light he didn’t notice a door or a window anywhere. Even the Silver Screen he’d jumped through to get here was gone.

“Casey Jones you better watch your speed,” she sang under her breath and rocked in the corner.

Good advice. “Callestah can you look at me please?” Daniel asked in a hushed voice. “I know you don’t believe me but, if you look at me you’ll see, I really am Danny.”

The tune changed without warning. “Bases are loaded and Casey’s at bat…playin’ it play by play time to change the batter. Da dun da-dant. And we don’t need the ladies cryin’ ‘cause the story’s sad….ah-ha,” her voice trailed off and she looked up at him through a peep hole in her hair. His eyes were soft and blue. They could be Danny’s they reminded her of his eyes. It was his hands that drew her attention and those long slender fingers; yes they were just as she remembered. They were a little longer and a little bigger now but they were the same ones which had helped bring her up from the mall floor. The ones that touched her and didn’t bring pain.

“I wasn’t big enough or strong enough to help you before but I am now.” That one green eye peeping through that mass of auburn hair was driving him nuts, Daniel pushed her hair aside and she didn’t move away from him. “I want to help you.”

Daniel Doesn’t Love You, He Only Pities You. Psyche screeched and then let out a high pitched laugh. Stupid Little Bitch.

Daniel pointed over his shoulder at the faceless voice. “Now that’s not true,” he said in a soft voice, “I’ve always loved you and I never pitied you.” His hand ran across the top of her head again. “You’re strong; you don’t want or need me to pity you. You’re far from stupid. You’re very intelligent, very smart and crafty sometimes.” He smiled a little hoping she would too but she didn’t look up.

The tune she was humming changed as she stared up at him. “It’s a God awful small affair to the girl with the mousey hair,” she sang lowly, “but her mummy is yelling ‘no’ and her daddy has told her to go.”

“No, I didn’t.” Daniel answered the charge so obviously leveled against him. “I would never do that to you. I would never hurt you like that. Sleeping with her is unforgivable but I swear to you I didn’t know who Rowan really was and she was never in our house. Our children never called her ‘mother’ and I didn’t take her as a lover after you were gone. Or anyone else.” He reached for her dirty hand and she let him take it. “I never forgot about you and no one will ever replace you. Ever.”

“Sweet, sweet Connie doin’ her act, she had the whole show and that’s a natural fact.” Calla sang in a sad but on-key voice.

You Were Born A Whore Like Your Mother Before You. You’ve Had More Pricks Than A Pin Cushion. Not just Psyche this time, no it was a whole chorus of voices which echoed throughout the darkness bringing the phrases ringing endlessly to the listener’s ear.

Once again he took the defensive. “Aphrodite wasn’t a whore and neither are you.” His thumb rubbed across the cold grimy flesh at the back of her hand. “What they did to you, Eros, Kanan...” he started to stumble but forced himself forward, “David...” another falter before he could finish the list, “me. It’s not your fault, none of it. It’s….It’s…Our…fault.” Having claimed a bit of responsibility Daniel found himself feeling a little better. “It doesn’t make you bad or dirty,” his free hand reached out trace the outline of her face. “It doesn’t mean you have to let people mistreat you and get away with it. You don’t deserve what happened to you. You’re not being punished for whatever Mother might have done. We’re the bad guys, we were wrong and we never should have done those things to you.” Daniel started to cry. Each time he said ‘we’ he felt his heart sink a little deeper in his chest. He had to keep claiming his own culpability and responsibility now that it was out in the open. She never made him do that, not once did she make him say he was sorry for the night in the cabin or for letting David take him over. Never held him accountable for it until now. While it hurt like hell there was also a release that came with and he felt as though a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

The tune changed again. This time it was very short and not very sweet. “Daddy’s home, Daddy’s home, Daddy’s home to stay.”

How did he answer that charge when it wasn’t leveled against him? He found himself telling her the only thing he could; “It wasn’t Ares who hurt you, it was Eros. He said that to you.” Her eyes lit up for a second as though that were news to her. “Neither your brother or your father had any right, Callestah. No right at all.”

“No I would not give you false hopes on this strange and mournful day but the mother and child reunion is only a moment away.”

Another charge not leveled against him and one he really had no business in answering. Some time ago while David was still part of him and Calla threatened to leave him she said she wouldn’t take the children with her and that she was sorry for the inconvenience. Looking back on it now he knew she hadn’t meant it, she was just angry and trying to get his attention. But at the time, he accused of her doing to her own children what Aphrodite had done to her and been slapped for it. No, Daniel, couldn’t speak for the Goddess of Love on this one, She hadn’t been much help while Calla lay dying in that mental hospital. She hadn’t done much to help after Eros was dead and her daughter sought her forgiveness. Aphrodite simply told Callestah that it had been an accident. “I’m sure your Mother loved you very much.” The half-lie half-truth slipped easily from his lips as he brought her a bit closer to him. “We can ask Ares about it if you want.” Daniel offered.

“A broom is drearily sweeping up the broken pieces of yesterday's life. Somewhere a Queen is weeping; somewhere a King has no wife.”

Gots Ta Teach Yew Sum Mannas Missy Although it was David who spoke, Kanan’s voice echoed the sentiment in the background.

It was the perfectly hollow tune for that nastily hollow place David took her. Not knowing what to say, Daniel was silent for a very long moment and so was the dark room around him. Telling her that she had good manners and etiquette didn’t seem to be the right way to go. What type of reassurance was she looking for here? Suddenly the answer came to him and he sat next to her. “You’re very good.” Daniel told her and she peeked out at him through her hair. “There are no more lessons to learn. You’re a very good girl.” Calla didn’t pull away when he wrapped an arm around her cold shoulders. “Very good.”

This time Calla didn’t sing, rather the music came from through the unseen speakers on an old ’45 replete with pops, scratches and hisses, The Eagles sang to him.

“And the hours go by like minutes
and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to
make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind from wonderin' what
I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time”

Yew shouldda seen yow face, Callie. It was . . . priceless. I dun thought yew was gonna scream or pass out or sum'thin. Using Daniel’s throat, David spoke the words while Kanan laughed at the inside joke in the background.

“I should have done something, you’re right.” Daniel said softly. “I never should have let David treat you like that and I don’t know how it got that far, I swear, Kitty, I don’t know. You took him away and he won’t hurt you anymore. You were there when I needed you, you didn’t walk away, you helped me, I want to help you. I know about that little something you take, I found them.” The arm around her shoulder gave a short squeeze. “It’s ok, I understand why.”

“OK, guys & Gals, This Is Our Last Request Of The Evening And It’s Going Out To The Little Lady Who Started Us Off Tonight.” Said the overly enthusiastic DJ. Janis Joplin began to sing.

“Didn't I make you feel like you were the only man?
Didn't I give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can?
Honey, you know I did!
And each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough,
But I'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.”

Just Tonight. Daniel’s lone voice echoed over the music.

It wasn’t just that night. No, soon after that David came and turned her into a prostitute. David woke up that night in the cabin and some part of Daniel had been willing to let him do that to her and Rowan. It had to have been that way or else why didn’t he notice? Why didn’t he stop David when he had the chance? “I know how tough you are.” He said in a strong voice. “You don’t have to be tough anymore. You don’t have to hide anymore. I broke your trust me in that night, it shattered like glass, didn’t it? You tried so hard to be tough…” Daniel’s voice trailed off.

“I want cha ta c ‘mon, c’mon, c’mon,” Calla sang in a low voice, “and take it. Take another little piece of my heart now baby. You know you got it…”

“If it makes you feel good.” Daniel finished. “Is that what you were doin’, huh? You were gonna ‘show me’. Yeah. So what’d you do, huh, Cal? You just stuffed it all down and told yourself it didn’t matter. That it was just sex and it didn’t mean anything? You never really trusted me again after that, did you?” That opened the door for David even wider now didn’t it? David liked to create mis-trust between them after all it was how he had gotten her to go with him in the first place. There were close to four years between then and now and in that time Daniel could have sworn they made love a thousand times. Maybe not, at least not for her, maybe it never really went beyond fucking. All those times couldn’t have been a lie; she had felt it and she wanted it back. He had to believe that was the root of all this. She wanted to love him again and didn’t know how or even if it was right or if he was really in love with her. “When we make love it means everything.” Daniel whispered. “I can feel the power of the whole universe in your touch and the way it washes over us. Everything else is lost and it’s just you and me. Nothing has ever come close to making me feel the way I do when I’m making love with you.”

The voices stopped. The music didn’t play. There they were on the dirty floor huddled close together, his arm wrapped around her shoulder and her head leaning against his. She wasn’t shaking anymore and she’d stopped crying. He was warm and strong and he smelled so good. “Danny?” Her filthy face turned to look at him. Though she wasn’t any bigger and she was still dirty, Daniel saw that her eyes and her face were older now. “Is it really you?”

“It’s really me.” Arms encrusted with every type of dirt imaginable wrapped around him and she pulled her naked body closer to him. “We’re all grown up now and we can be together there’s no one left to stand in our way.” A pained look crossed her face and she turned away from him but he turned her face back. “I don’t want to take anymore pieces of your heart or your soul. I want to fill up those missing pieces and make them whole again. David’s gone, Kanan’s gone, Eros is gone. The only one standing in our way is you. You have to be strong enough…tough enough….to believe in me and our love.” Daniel couldn’t hold back the sadness any longer he started to weep and he kissed the top of her head. “I believe, Kitty, I believe together we can do anything. We can overcome anything. I know we can.”

End of Chapter Three
Daughter of the Gods: Time Out Of Mind
Continue to
Chapter Four